I’ve been obsessed with reviewing the past. I called it processing. I’ve been consumed with guessing future outcomes. I called it goal setting. These thoughts seemed really important. How will I know where I was and how will I know where I’m going if I don’t think about it?
The truth is that these thought processes seem important to me because they are my way of trying to figure things out well enough to give myself assurances that I will be okay. I want to learn about my past and figure out my future so that I can avoid feeling hurt and overwhelmed. I want to see and feel things coming so that I can be “ready.” When life takes me by surprise, I feel nervous about the results.
And that’s the thing: I end up feeling anxious and defenseless while going through all these thoughts. It’s a system that sounds like it would be helpful, but all it does is give my nervous system a shake. I kept thinking that if I could figure out my past and future, I wouldn’t have to be scared. But that’s not how fear works.
I keep learning that the present is where my mind should be. But it sounded counterintuitive. How can I process my past and plan for the future while staying in the present moment?
I don’t have to stop thinking about the past altogether, and I still get to plan my future, including setting big and small goals. But now I do this more intentionally. I stop my mind from wandering into these thoughts randomly. Instead, I think and plan at designated times. Doing this, I have more control over what’s finding its way into my thoughts instead of letting my mind wander aimlessly.
When I get into those thoughts by accident, I catch myself and acknowledge my need and want to have the obsessive thoughts, and then I consciously change the subject in my head. Sometimes, I negotiate with myself by giving myself a specific time later that day or week where I will promise to give the thought some intentional focus.
Every once in a while, I make sure I pick up my head and look around. I name objects and activities going on around me. It’s a psychological technique called Grounding that I learned for how to get present. People use it to help get themselves out of a panic attack.
As with everything, I am not perfectly executing these processes, but whenever I make this effort, my life feels better and more manageable. As I practice changing my mind, I can stay present for longer and longer stretches of the day, making it possible for me to notice and live my life as it happens.
ACTION: Take one minute today to practice being present. Pause, look around, and name three things you can see, hear, and feel. This simple grounding exercise can help you break free from obsessive thoughts and bring you back to the present moment. By focusing on your immediate surroundings, you’ll find a sense of calm and clarity that makes managing your thoughts and emotions easier.
