There have been times when I’ve felt so low, but I didn’t ask for anything. Not because I didn’t need it, but because I couldn’t bring myself to say it. It felt embarrassing to admit something as simple as I need love and affection right now. I wanted the comfort, but I also wanted the people who loved me to just know—to sense that I needed a hug, some reassurance, or even just someone to sit with me.
So when they asked, I said I’m fine.
It felt stronger to pretend than to admit I was struggling. But instead of getting what I needed, I ended up pushing people further away. They took my word for it. They respected my space. And the distance I created left me feeling even more alone.
I didn’t want to keep doing that. I didn’t want to keep shutting out the people I actually wanted to be close to. So I made a choice. The next time I felt that way, I told myself: I will speak up.
When the moment came, I practiced. I couldn’t say yes when someone asked if I needed anything, but instead of saying no, I tried I don’t know. It was a small shift, but it kept the door open. And when they asked again, I pushed a little further. I don’t know what I need, but thank you for asking.
It felt awkward—like my stomach dropped and my body tensed, waiting for some kind of rejection. My face got hot. I wanted to take it back, to change the subject, to laugh it off. But I didn’t. And that awkward, nauseating moment passed.
Instead of turning away, they stayed. And I felt something new—not just discomfort, but relief. Like I had let go of something heavy I didn’t realize I was carrying.
I realized that being open didn’t make me weak. That kindness, softness, and honesty weren’t vulnerabilities to hide behind a wall. And that speaking up—even in small ways—made me feel more like the person I wanted to be.
Because saying I’m fine when I’m not doesn’t make the feelings disappear. It just makes me face them alone.
ACTION: The next time someone asks, “How are you?” pause for a moment before automatically saying “I’m fine.” Try responding with something more honest—whether it’s positive, neutral, or acknowledging a challenge. If you’re feeling good, share it: “I’ve been having a great day, thanks for asking!” If you’re struggling but don’t want to go into detail, try: “It’s been a bit tough, but I appreciate you asking.” Practicing more authentic answers can help build deeper connections while honoring your own emotions.
