How many people can you blame for the issues you’re dealing with today? We’ve all been hurt, pushed down, or betrayed by someone. We’ve all experienced situations where our expectations went sideways due to other people’s actions, whether intentional or not.
And we might be right—maybe our lives would have taken a better or easier turn without those experiences. But the truth is, there’s no way to know. Even if we could go back and change something, there’s no guarantee that the outcome would come out in our favor, even with all the hindsight we have now. More importantly, it doesn’t matter.
Something doesn’t have to be our fault to be our responsibility. If I was made fun of or bullied as a kid, it’s still my responsibility as an adult to build my own self-esteem. If my parents weren’t able to provide financial support, it’s up to me to generate the money I need to live. Even if I experienced neglect or mistreatment, it’s my job to find the healing I need to live a good life.
That might sound like bad news, but it’s not. It means we don’t need to rely on those who hurt us to fix us. That doesn’t mean we’re alone in this—it means we’re awake to a helpful fact. Just because we didn’t get what we needed from the people we thought we should, doesn’t mean it’s not available from somewhere else. As we move away from toxic or harmful people, we make space for those who can help us grow.
Another benefit of taking responsibility for our own lives is that we gain control. We can’t make anyone do anything. Think about it: constantly nagging or pleading with someone to treat you better rarely works. But when we stop asking others to change and start taking care of ourselves, we learn what we need, what we want, and what we no longer have to tolerate.
When I take responsibility for myself, I become the best example of how I want to be treated—and that’s how others will know how to regard me.
ACTION: Take a moment to notice how you treat yourself throughout the day. Are there small ways you can be kinder, more patient, or forgiving? See if you can make one small change today to treat yourself better—whether it’s taking a break when you’re tired, or simply speaking to yourself with more compassion.
