When I was younger, I was so shy that I could barely talk to anyone, let alone have an intelligent or fun conversation. I didn’t know how to express myself, and most of my reactions to people happened in my head. If I needed to confront someone or express discomfort, I’d run through all the possible things I could say, but I wasn’t sure which words were appropriate or interesting enough to share. So, I stayed quiet.
But it wasn’t just about confrontation. I also stayed quiet when I wanted to express love and gratitude. I’d say kind words in my head to people, but I couldn’t bring myself to say them out loud. I worried about what they wanted to hear, so I ended up saying nothing. It reached a point where it weighed on me. People I spent time with, people I felt connected to, didn’t know that I liked them, let alone that I cared deeply about them. In my silence, I created a world where no one got to know who I really was—not even me.
It was painful, and I knew I had to change. I made a decision to say more, to bring my inner dialogue out into the open. I started with something simple: thanking people more sincerely. Before, I would push off compliments and help, making people feel awkward when they were just trying to be nice—something I actually wanted. Inside, I’d be thinking, “Wow, thank you so much. I really wanted this, and it’s extra special coming from you because I care about you so deeply.” But I’d worry it would sound too flowery, like I was a weak, needy little girl. So instead, I’d just say, “No, thank you.”
I wanted to change that. My reactions weren’t matching my inner world, and I needed them to. My first efforts were small. I started by looking people in the eye, holding the gaze, and saying, “Thank you.” And because I couldn’t do much more at the time, I’d follow it up with, “I don’t know what to say.” Even that felt vulnerable and took a lot of courage on my part. But it was so much more honest than pretending I didn’t care.
The more I practiced speaking the truth, the more comfortable I became with expressing the thoughts running through my mind. Little by little, I started to figure out which words in my head were the ones I could share to express my true feelings. It might seem like I changed, but I don’t think I did. My reactions changed to match my internal world, and my expression changed to show the real me more often.
ACTION: Take a moment today to say something you usually keep inside, even if it’s just a simple “thank you” or “I appreciate you.” Try it with someone you feel safe with. If it feels challenging, write it down first, then practice saying it out loud to yourself.
