The Stoics believe that we suffer more in our imagination than in reality. And frankly, that tracks. I’ve caught myself replaying events over and over in my mind, creating entire arguments with people while in the shower, and even convincing myself that the more I love someone, the more I have to worry about them.
None of this felt healthy, but it also felt like the “right” thing to do—like worrying was proof of how much I cared or overthinking was how I’d stay ahead of problems. It felt like the only way to move through life.
And here’s the thing: Most of the things I worried about never happened, and when they did, the setbacks were usually smaller than I’d imagined. And When challenges did arise, I realized something: all that overthinking didn’t help with the current issue. It didn’t make me calmer or more prepared—it just drained my energy and left me feeling stuck.
But Stoic philosophy offers a different way to look at it. They suggest that much of this suffering comes from attaching ourselves to imagined outcomes or fears that may never happen. And instead of spiraling, we can pause, notice the stories we’re telling ourselves, and practice choosing an alternative response.
practicing this means asking myself questions like:
- What’s actually happening right now? Not what I’m afraid of or predicting—but what’s real in this moment?
- What can I do about it? Am I taking action, or am I letting my imagination take over?
- Is this as bad as I think it is? Often, when I take a closer look, the situation isn’t as overwhelming as I’ve made it in my mind.
It’s not always easy. Fear, worry, and regret are strong emotions. Worry can feel productive, and overthinking can feel like control. But the more I practice shifting my focus from imagination to reality, the more I feel grounded. I don’t have to ignore those feelings—they’re signals, after all—but I can choose not to let them rule me.
For example, when I start replaying a conversation I think I could have handled better, I remind myself: I can’t change the past, but I can decide how I’ll show up next time. If I’m worrying about a loved one, I try to replace that energy with action—like sending a text to check in or making plans to connect. And if I’m imagining the worst-case scenario about an upcoming event, I ask myself, “What’s the best-case scenario instead?”
These small shifts don’t fix everything, but they help me stop adding extra layers of stress that don’t need to be there. Life already has its challenges—Stoics remind us not to create more in our minds. By focusing on what’s real and current, and taking small, steady steps forward, we can begin to let go of unnecessary suffering and find more clarity and calm.
ACTION: The next time you catch yourself worrying or replaying an imagined scenario, pause and ask yourself: “Is this happening right now?” If it’s not, take one small action rooted in the present—whether it’s a deep breath, a quick note to someone you care about, or focusing on the task at hand. Practice bringing yourself back to what’s real.
