There’s something so calming about the way Stoics approach life. They manage their emotions in a way that creates simplicity and peace. That’s always been something I’ve admired, especially because, for a long time, my emotions dictated my entire day.
If something didn’t go my way, I’d spiral—from disappointed to upset to devastated. Hours would slip away, and I’d feel thrown off track. I thought the answer was to stop feeling emotions like disappointment, anger, or fear. But that didn’t work.
The Stoic philosophy offers a better approach: emotions are signals, not rulers. They’re not here to take over or be ignored—they’re guides. Frustration might signal that I care about something. Sadness might remind me to slow down. Anger might point to something that needs to change. These emotions aren’t meant to control us; they’re meant to help us decide what to do next.
What helps me bridge the gap between feeling an emotion and acting is this: when an emotion shows up, I need to pause and ask myself, “What is this trying to tell me?” Then I choose one small action that reflects the person I want to be. Sadness might mean it’s time for self-care, like taking a few deep breaths or going for a walk. Frustration could be a nudge to write down my thoughts, call someone or take one step toward solving a problem.
At first, that idea felt scary. Emotions are powerful, and I worried that if I felt them fully, I’d lose control. But it turns out, when I treat emotions as signals, I can feel them without being ruled by them. I still cry and get sad, but I’ve learned to interrupt the thoughts that pull me deeper into those feelings. I can feel frustrated and still finish my tasks, do the dishes, and have a full day.
It’s not always easy, but the more I practice responding steadily—acknowledging my emotions and choosing my actions—the more normal it becomes and the easier it gets. Emotions don’t have to run the day. They’re here to remind us what’s important and help us get to know ourselves so that we can find our next step.
ACTION: Take a moment to reflect on a recent situation where your emotions felt overwhelming. What were they signaling to you? Pause, acknowledge the feeling, and choose one steady action that aligns with the person you want to be. Practice noticing how even small actions can help shift your response next time.
