Learning to Manage Triggers
What happens when someone triggers you? I get really annoyed. It’s hard to believe that someone else can affect me so deeply. It bothers me because it feels like someone, other than myself, has control over how my day goes. Who is this person that isn’t me, yet they can make me react? It’s embarrassingly frustrating, and, if I’m sad to say, infuriating.
I’ve had to think about this because I want it to stop. I don’t want anyone else having control over my mind. So, here’s what I’ve come to realize about what happens when I’m triggered:
I’m hysterical because it’s historical: The trigger isn’t new. I’ve been bothered by this before, and whoever is poking at it now is just re-opening an old wound. It might even be the first time this person is bringing it up, but for me, it’s a sore subject I haven’t resolved yet. It’s like they’ve hit an old bruise, and it stings.
I’m in H.A.L.T.: Hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. When I’m low on those basic human resources, anything can trigger me. My mind is running on empty, decisions become mountains, and I can’t hold it together. It’s like my emotional defenses are down, and I’m easily thrown off balance.
I think it’s true: When someone says something hurtful, I believe it, even if it’s completely unfair or untrue. Deep down, I start to buy into the idea that I’m not valuable. And this is exactly why I put effort into taking care of myself. I don’t want to accidentally believe that I’m not worth it, so I do things that remind me of my value—like grooming, biking, journaling, or just sitting in a park. I give myself my time so that I remember that I’m worth it.
There are billions of people on this planet, and I don’t need to be friends with everyone. But I do want to interact calmly and compassionately with the people who come my way. Ironically, the way I can do that is by focusing on myself. The more I know who I am and what I need, the less I feel the urge to react to other people’s ideas of who they think I am.
ACTION: The next time someone triggers you, pause and ask yourself: Is this about them, or is this an unresolved feeling within me? Take a moment to breathe and check if you’re in H.A.L.T. mode. Give yourself a break before reacting.
