Take Control Like a Stoic
There are things we can all point to in life that weren’t fair: the way we were raised, the resources we didn’t have, the struggles handed to us without our say. And we’d be right to feel upset about them. But if we live our lives focusing on how unfair it all is, we end up suffering for no reason.
Stoic philosophy challenges us to take responsibility for our lives, even when the obstacles weren’t our fault. It’s not easy, and it feels unfair to work on problems we didn’t create. But the alternative is waiting—waiting for things to change, for someone to fix it, or for life to make it right. And while we wait, nothing actually gets better.
For me, taking responsibility wasn’t easy at all. It was uncomfortable—sometimes even painful. I’d feel resentful, thinking, “Why do I have to deal with this? Someone else caused it, and it shouldn’t be my problem.” That resentment showed up when I thought about the limitations I felt when my parents and I didn’t see eye to eye, or when I dealt with an ex who was lying and cheating. I felt it again when I was hit by a car while riding my bike. None of those things were my fault, but here’s what I’ve learned: they’re still mine to address.
Taking responsibility meant acknowledging that my parents did the best they could and that I had a lot of positive experiences in my childhood—but also that some things I needed to learn as an adult were up to me. It meant reflecting on the relationship I stayed in too long, asking myself what kept me there and why I turned a blind eye when I suspected something wasn’t right. And when it came to the accident, it meant understanding that while I didn’t cause it, I’m the one who has to show up for doctor’s appointments and take care of my recovery. This is the only body I get.
Looking at those things wasn’t easy. I cried. I needed support. And it was painful. But here’s the thing: that pain already existed. By facing it, I took control of it instead of letting it control me. Taking responsibility gave me a way to direct myself into a better place.
It didn’t erase the hard parts of my life, but it shifted the focus. Little by little, I felt less stuck in the past and more focused on what was next. Each small, steady action made a difference, even when it didn’t feel like much at the time.
Responsibility isn’t a burden—it’s freedom. It’s the freedom to take control and decide how to respond, no matter where you started. Life may not always be fair, but it can still be meaningful. And when we take responsibility, we get to create that meaning every day, one minute at a time.
ACTION: Think of a situation in your life that feels stuck or unfair. Take one small step to take ownership of your role in it. Whether it’s making an appointment you’ve been avoiding, having an honest conversation, or simply recognizing your feelings about it, choose one action to start moving forward—even if it’s uncomfortable.
