Handling Difficult Relationships Calmly
There are people I have to “get ready” for. I need to set my mind at ease before meeting them because they tend to trigger me. I might feel baited into arguments or discussions I didn’t want to be part of in the first place. I might get frustrated with passive-aggressive comments or even hate the topic they’re talking about altogether.
As adults, even though we have autonomy, we sometimes find ourselves in uncomfortable circumstances. Maybe we work with someone we don’t connect with or feel we have family obligations that put us around people we disagree with. When that happens, here’s what I try to keep in mind:
- You Chose to Be There: Most of the time, we have some say in these situations. Maybe we feel like we’re picking the lesser of two frustrations, but we’re still choosing. Remembering this can help me focus on why I’ve made the choice rather than feeling trapped by it.
- Set Boundaries: Boundaries mean clearly communicating your limits and taking ownership of your actions. For example: “I’m not comfortable discussing this topic. Let’s focus on something else.” Or, “I can stay for an hour, but then I need to leave.” These statements help create clarity and let others know where you stand, without leaving room for unnecessary conflict.
- It’s Your Trigger: No matter what the other person says or does, I remind myself that I have a choice in how I respond. Their behavior might spark something in me, but I’m the one who decides whether to react or stay calm.
- Get Curious: When I feel the heat of anger, I try to ask a genuine question. Everyone has their story; everyone is dealing with something. The more curious I am, the more I can uncover understanding or find calm where I might normally feel triggered. Curiosity opens doors that frustration shuts.
Some of the best interactions I’ve had have come from looking for clarity when I was confused and curiosity when I was angered. It’s not easy, and it takes practice. That practice happens with mindful exercises like meditation, gratitude, and journaling. These habits are like going to class or the gym—they build the muscles I need to show up with strength and resilience in real-life interactions.
ACTION: The next time you feel triggered, give yourself space before responding. Step away if you can—call someone you trust, write down your thoughts, or take a quick walk. If leaving isn’t an option, pause, take a few deep breaths, and focus on something neutral to regain your calm.
