Stop Suffering

Every day brings its own set of challenges. Just when I think I’ve found my rhythm for a productive day, that’s when I get a flat tire on my bike. Or I catch a cold that knocks me out. Or a family member calls with bad news. What I’ve learned is that there’s no such thing as a day without the need for extra patience. No matter how much effort I put into my plans, something always goes sideways.

Does that mean I have to suffer every day? The Dalai Lama said, “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” I used to find that phrase a bit hard to swallow—like he was downplaying how difficult life can be. But he’s not. Feeling pain is normal. It’s the suffering part that we have some control over.

Since thoughts and actions start in the mind, sharpening my mind and practicing how I direct my thoughts can give me control over how I respond to life. When something bad happens, I have every right to feel sad, cry, and take time to heal. But to move through my emotions without adding unnecessary suffering, I rely on tools that help and avoid those that make things worse:

Do:

• Stick to my routine: Even when it feels like “not a good time,” I continue my daily practices that help keep me balanced—morning journaling, nighttime stretches, and bike rides.
• Stay connected: Tough times can make me want to isolate, but I have to make sure I’m reaching out to others so I’m not trapped in my own thoughts.
• Get outside: Changing my environment is essential. Exposure to daylight and nature can reduce stress, anxiety, and feelings of anger. Sometimes, just stepping outside can shift my energy.

Avoid:

• Rumination: Overthinking only fuels suffering.
• Asking “Why me?”: There’s no answer. Everyone goes through hard times, and no one is singled out. We all take turns with pain.
• “It’s not fair”: While this may be true, dwelling on it doesn’t help. Life’s fairness isn’t something we can control.

Life is hard. Life is beautiful. Both are true. We get to choose where we focus. Training our minds to notice the gifts in life can remind us to use them.

ACTION: Next time you face a setback, stick with your healthy routines. Notice the tools that help you through difficult times and practice using them, even when things are going well.