Use Your Words Like a Kindergartener

One of the first lessons we teach kids is to use their words. We say it when they’re frustrated, when they want something, when they’re struggling to express themselves. We tell them, use your words, because words bring clarity. They help us understand each other. They make life easier to navigate.

But somewhere along the way, we stop thinking about this as a skill. We assume that since we know how to talk, we know how to communicate. But that’s not always true.

Having the right words is freeing. When we can say what we need, describe what we’re feeling, and express what we want, we open up new possibilities. We create room for understanding—both from others and within ourselves. We can set expectations, share excitement, and communicate disappointment in a way that allows others to truly hear us.

And yet, when words fail us—whether because we don’t have the right ones, or we don’t feel safe using them—we often fall back on frustration, avoidance, or even aggression. Just like kids do.

We see this play out all the time. When someone is short-tempered, defensive, or reactive, it’s often because they don’t have the words for what they’re actually feeling. They’re overwhelmed, unheard, or struggling to express what’s underneath. And we’ve all been there.

I’ve had times where I was upset about something completely unrelated to the people around me, but because I didn’t say anything, I ended up coming off cold or annoyed. I remember one time I was stressed about work while meeting up with friends. I wasn’t mad at them, but I wasn’t really engaged in the conversation either. Eventually, someone asked if something was wrong, and instead of brushing it off, I actually said, ‘I’m just dealing with something at work—sorry if I seem off.’ Just that small sentence changed everything. Instead of assuming I was mad at them, they understood, and I didn’t have to deal with the extra tension of seeming upset for no reason.

That’s why this lesson still matters. Being able to put words to our emotions, thoughts, and needs isn’t just about communication—it’s about connection. It helps us navigate relationships, advocate for ourselves, and move through life with more clarity and less frustration.

So maybe it’s time to take this kindergarten lesson seriously again. Because when we stop and find the right words, we give ourselves a better way forward.

ACTION: The next time you feel frustrated, withdrawn, or misunderstood, pause and ask yourself—have I actually said what I’m thinking? If it feels hard to put into words, try writing it down first. Getting our thoughts out on paper can make them easier to express and help us communicate more clearly.