Say What You Mean. Mean What You Say. And Don’t Say it Mean.
There I was cleaning the toilet, getting into every surface of it while trying not to touch anything. You know, basic adulting. Cleaning isn’t exactly my idea of fun, but I was getting things done, dishes, laundry, etc. when frustration started bubbling up. Before I knew it, a passive-aggressive remark escaped my lips: “So, no one’s going to help me today?!”
Looking back, it seems kind of comical. The only other person in the room to hear my comment was my partner. Here I was, clearly overwhelmed, yet I threw up a wall with my snarky comment. It wasn’t exactly a beacon of clear communication.
What could I have done differently? Well, a simple “Hey Love, I’m feeling a little swamped with cleaning, could you lend a hand?” could have led to shared chores and a lighter mood for both of us.
This experience made me realize how often we fall into passive-aggressive patterns without even realizing it. Maybe it’s the feeling of being solely responsible for a chore, or bottling up resentment until it explodes in a sarcastic remark. Whatever the reason, clear communication is key.
Although it’s hard to do sometimes, getting in touch with my vulnerable side long enough to express what I really need in a clear and kind way gets me what I need faster and better.
ACTION: Before you throw your anger at someone, consider what you’re trying to communicate and make sure your words are clear and effective. Try writing them down first or talking to someone before you unleash your inner snark-master.