Listen Without Fixing with Support
One of the most powerful things I’ve experienced in support groups is how people share without interrupting or offering advice. No fixing. No jumping in. Just listening.
In the groups I attend, there’s a guideline called “no crosstalk.” That means no interrupting, no giving advice, and no directly responding to someone else’s share. When someone speaks, they get the space to express themselves without being redirected or reassured. It felt strange at first—someone would cry about the loss of a parent or share something vulnerable and raw, and no one would swoop in to comfort them or try to help. At the beginning, that felt like neglect.
I was used to showing I cared by reacting—offering encouragement, making it about how I would handle it, or jumping in with ideas. Staying silent felt cold. But over time, I started to understand it differently.
Like the time I shared about an argument with someone I love. No one offered a solution. No one chimed in. And the silence gave me space and time to feel what I was actually feeling. That helped me find clarity. I wasn’t looking to be rescued—I needed to be heard.
People don’t share their pain because they want to be rescued.
They share because they trust you to hold it with them.
They want a witness, not a hero.
I started to notice that support doesn’t mean doing something—fixing, solving, or taking on someone else’s problem. It means being there in a way that respects what they’re going through.
It’s not always easy. I still catch myself wanting to fill the silence or smooth things over. But now I know that one of the kindest things I can do is stay with someone in their experience without trying to change it. For me, the most powerful form of support is someone sitting beside me and letting me feel what I feel—without trying to fix it.
ACTION: Try a different way to listen today. Don’t interrupt anybody—whether they’re talking about work, something vulnerable, or even something that’s difficult to hear. Wait just a little longer than feels comfortable before you respond. Notice what changes when you change.
