The Scar Experiment

In 1997, Harvard researchers ran a study that revealed something surprising about self-perception—what we believe about ourselves changes how we think others see us.

Participants were told the study was about how facial scars influence social interactions. Makeup artists applied a realistic-looking scar to each participant’s face, making them believe they had a noticeable disfigurement.

Right before sending them out to interact with others, the researchers pretended to do a final touch-up—but instead of adjusting the scar, they removed it completely. The participants had no idea.

After going out and having conversations as usual, they reported that people treated them differently—being rude, staring, or acting uncomfortable.

But here’s the catch: there was no scar. Nothing had changed—except their perception of themselves. And that shaped everything.

That experiment stuck with me. I know that if I bump into someone at the grocery store while I’m in sweatpants, hair undone, barely put together, I immediately feel uncomfortable—like my own “scar” is showing. I assume they’re judging me, even though they probably don’t care at all.

And I know I’m not alone in this. If I don’t feel like I look my best, I engage less with people. I avoid small talk, keep my head down, and assume strangers wouldn’t want to talk to me. But the truth is, they’re not thinking about me nearly as much as I think they are. It’s my insecurity filtering how I experience the moment.

The Scar Experiment proves something big: most of the time, people aren’t reacting to us the way we fear they are. But when we believe we’re being judged, we find proof of it everywhere—even when it’s not real.

So the next time I catch myself shrinking away because I don’t feel “put together,” I’m going to challenge that thought. Because what I believe about myself in that moment is shaping my experience far more than anyone else’s opinion ever could.

ACTION: Next time you catch yourself feeling self-conscious—whether it’s about your appearance, your skills, or how you’re coming across—pause. Instead of assuming how others see you, question the story you’re telling yourself. Are they actually judging you, or is it just your own insecurity shaping the moment? Try letting go of the fear, engage as if nothing is “wrong,” and see what happens. You might realize the only person who was paying that much attention was you.