How to Handle Disappointment

There are so many moments in life where we don’t get what we want, even when we’ve done everything right. We’ve shown up, put in the effort, done what we’re supposed to, and still, the outcome disappoints us. Think of a friend who has taken care of her health all her life, yet she’s the one who gets a serious illness. Or another who invested decades in a solid, steady career only to find the job obsolete and facing the unknown in mid-life. It happens to all of us at times—where we give our best to our friends, family, work, and ourselves, and it still doesn’t add up to what we’d hoped.

So how do we handle this disappointment? How do we manage when life throws a setback our way? It helps to look at how we teach kids to face the same feelings. When a child is upset because they didn’t get what they wanted, we guide them through their big feelings. We might say, “I know you’re disappointed, but let’s find a way to calm down.” We help them pause, breathe, and re-focus so they can carry on with their day.

But can we offer that same compassion to ourselves? Can we say, “I did my best; I kept my promises to myself and others, and it didn’t turn out as I’d hoped—but I can keep going”? Can we allow a moment of pause to self-soothe and feel our emotions without letting them take over?

Maybe we need to pause long enough to feel our disappointment without drowning in it, to process the setback and then turn toward what’s next. This could mean taking a few deep breaths, reminding ourselves of what’s in our control, and finding the next step for today.

ACTION: Take a moment to think of a recent disappointment and write down one thing you did well in handling it. Commit to using that same strength in a future setback.